… so then i realized something …

i noticed that as of late.. my art started feeling.. “stiff” .. not as spontaneous as it used to be… i thought too much about what i was doing. it felt like …. mh .. imagine a hand.. instead of being open and relaxed it was curled into a tight fist.. it happened several times that when i had finished .. or almost finished a painting.. i just overpainted the whole thing again .. using either gesso, black or white paint because i did not like it… it felt wrong, not me, so i wanted a fresh start. however, i don’t like that !!! ok.. my one excuse might be that i am going through chemotherapy.. that makes me feel incredibly tired amongst other things.. on the other hand, art is what keeps me awake, so to say… so i decided i needed to learn to let go again. instead of a tight fist.. i should open that hand and shake it lose… so… i brought my sketch book to the living room. placed it on the table and as i was watching tv the other night, i took that sketch book and a ballpoint pen … and just started drawing.. not really paying attention to what i was doing.. i just let go.. let lose.. i just went with the flow.. and it felt right.. and in the end.. THIS had happened… as i was watching TV …